Friday, January 20, 2006

I Can't Even Enjoy a Mediocre War Film Any More

Watching G. I. Jane after doing what I do for a living is kind of a surreal experience. It starts with a swooping shot into D.C. towards the Pentagon, which would have impressed me at one point but now just makes me think "Hey, I take the yellow line Metro over that bridge" and "Oh, look, that pentagon is down the street from my house." Then once the tough training begins and the rest of the audience is fixated on Demi Moore's shaved head, I stare at the artillery in the background and wonder "How much unexploded ordnance is leaching RDX into the surrounding ground water of that base?" And when they drive around the base in their little golf carts, I wonder "Are they using renewable fuel in those vehicles? That's certainly become a military priority lately, worried as they are about fuel dependence on the Middle East." And when they inexplicably start shooting at Libyans near the end, I think "I wonder how much tungsten is in those bullets. This movie was made after they stopped using all-lead bullet composition. But then they found tungsten didn't work. Maybe they're depleted uranium. My editor wrote a story about how DU is going to need a warning label as it's shipped across country by rail from now on." And on and on and on and on until I want to stop watching because I can't enjoy the straightforward plot and childishly simple dialogue. Like back in the good times.

2 Comments:

Anonymous mikeswanson said...

Was coerced into watching "The Man"--the buddy comedy starring Eugene Levy and Samuel L., and I for one kept wondering how getting shot in the butt can be funny twice in a movie, why Samuel L. has bloodshot eyes and acts by rolling his eyes a lot, and why the situation of describing a suspect to a cop became a "self-conscious with homosexuality" gag. Also how the gun runner could vacillate between German and Australian accents had me wondering if there were 2 gun runners. I highly reccommend this film! So I actually wanted to ask if the military actually cared about their environmental impact? Seriously.

11:23 PM  
Blogger Lapp said...

Short answer "no," long answer "no, and furthermore..."

11:35 PM  

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