Wednesday, November 09, 2005

International Headline Roundup

I read the news from abroad so you don't have to. (Or rather, I read it first, then decide what to pass on to you, who were too lazy to seek it out yourself. You're welcome.)

Africa

Unnoticed by 99.78% of the U.S., Egypt will vote on a new parliament on Wednesday. The outcome will have far-reaching implications for our relations with the Middle East, since Egypt is widely considered the unofficial "leader" of the region despite its economic problems and lack of distinctive cuisine.

Canada

Sad news from Alberta, as leaked documents suggest the local honchos want to privatize health care. Early reports indicate that "cashing in" was only their number three motivation, behind "helping the needy in times of woe" and "protecting babies."

Asia

The U.S. and North Korea are set to "square off" (as the Associated Press has it) over the nuclear issue again. An agreement reached in September is set to be hammered out in fine print, which may be difficult since the last State Department translator who spoke Korean was fired for describing her next-door neighbor as a "girlfriend."

South America

Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori has been arrested after inexplicably returning to the scene of the crime to -- get this -- re-enter politics. (This after he basically fled in disgrace.) Someone with a degree in conceptual art must have put these two paragraphs next to each other:

Peruvian prosecutors are seeking a 30-year sentence and a $28 million fine for his alleged role in the death squad killings, the most serious charge he faces.

In a communique Sunday, Fujimori said he planned "to remain temporarily in Chile" before returning to his home country, where he said "an important section of the Peruvian people" had asked him to run for the presidency next April.

Although he makes it sound like he's enjoying the Santiago nightlife on his own recognizance, his "remaining temporarily in Chile" will consist mostly of watching soap operas and taking his medicine until extradition papers come down. You see, they're not letting him out of the police academy dormitory where he's being detained without bail. (Jail cell not good enough?)

Europe

France is in full lockdown as riots lead to an official state of emergency. Nothing funny here.

Wild Card

Renewable energy is getting a big boost these days investment-wise. One possible reason: scientists have finally unlocked the secrets of the beaver language, leading to more strategic dam-building prospects.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Stephanie said...

I resent your implication that I am too lazy to read the news for myself. I am neither too lazy nor uninterested, rather, I just am too busy earning a living. And is it really my fault that in a brief attempt to catch some news on the Today Show this morning all I learned was that Matt Lauer's camera crew in Innsbruck surprised him by dressing in lederhosen? No, I am the victim here. And besides, your news recap didn't even include mention of today's top entertainment story: "Greek shipping heir boyfriend of Paris Hilton drives her Bentley into the back of a truck outside nightclub." That's news, baby!

5:46 PM  

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