Saturday, September 23, 2006

We Must Not Allow a Witticism Gap

I've always thought the London Review of Books has hilarious personals ads. (This is how you get it done.) We Americans just don't understand -- they are a chance to be funny, not just furtive and depressed. Here is a sample of three, in order, taken more or less at random.

This brief statement of yearning for a woman to 35 who is both beautiful and remarkably intelligent weighs exactly three metric tons but, once all the meaning has been extracted, it is no heavier than an egg. Box no. 18/06

Stare at the back of your hand for 30 seconds. Now stare at this advert for 15 seconds while squinting your eyes. Now fully open your eyes and stare at the back of your hand for another 30 seconds. And again at your hand. Now stare at your mother. Back of your hand. Advert. Hand. Advert. Mother. Mother. Hand. Mother. Wall. Feet. Now wipe the tears away. Back at the hand. Advert. Hand. Mother. Man, 43. Hand. Advert. Mother. Hand. Hand. Hand. Box no. 18/07. Mother.

Philanthropy is my middle name. It’s just a name though so don’t be expecting any free rides. You can call me Mr Wallace. My first name is none of your business. Applications to box no. 18/08


Blogger stephanie said...

Oh my God, these are hilarious! I wonder if the hand.advert.mother guy knew he had to pay per word.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Lapp said...

They are indeed hilarious. I fear America will need a sort of Manhattan Project to catch up, maybe starting with a dissection of old Benny Hill episodes.

11:17 AM  
Blogger charvakan said...

We won't have to cross-dress, will we?

1:31 PM  

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