Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Putting the "Holy" Back in Holidays

Vaino recently posted a very insightful comment: "Most conservatives invent phony issues and then get themselves worked into a rage about them." Case in point: The War on Christmas. In the spirit of peace on earth and goodwill towards man, a bunch of conservative blowhards have gotten their panties in a wad over the fact that we now don't all just assume that everyone celebrates Christmas. Apparently, liberals are to blame for launching a brutal campaign that aims to remove the baby Jesus from nativity scenes and replace Christmas trees with "Friendship Trees." (Hey, aren't these the same guys that were all in favor of "freedom fries?")

It seems that the worst offense in the eyes of Christmas Crusaders is the secularization of department store holiday sales campaigns. Okay, I'm no rocket scientist, but isn't it possible that megalomarts such as Target and Wal-mart have secularized their in-store displays and whatnot in order to appeal to a wider range of customers, thereby increasing sales potential? Hey, who can't get behind "the holiday season?" Outdoor lights? Festive! Wreaths? Seasonal decor! Cards? Who doesn't want to give an annual shout out to their homies?! Isn't it conceivable that these huge corporations have never given a flying-fuck about the birth of Christ? Call me crazy, but aren't capitalism and consumer greed to blame for the fact that we are buying inflatable snowmen in October (the month of devils, ghouls, and everything unholy)?

Bill O'Reilly and John Gibson need to get lives. And decent editors. Gibson wins the award for a) the longest and b) the stupidest subtitle for a book published in 2005: "The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought." Worse than I thought? Oh god, oh god! Honey, get the shotgun! Don't worry little Timmy, we won't let those nasty liberals shoot down Santa's sleigh!

Update by Lapp: Holiday sales are looking good this year. No mention of whether ACLU thugs with socks full of pennies are involved.


Blogger Lapp said...

I approve of Stephanie's comments with the exception of not shooting down Santa's sleigh, which I have been trying to do every year since I was five in a vain attempt to get Jimmy Anderson's incoming tea set for myself.

12:26 PM  

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